Single parents in our family history & now: making a living and making it work

I have been a keen family historian for over 10 years. I also coordinate the ‘Exeter Single Parent Family Friendship Group (Exeter Gingerbread)’. Since becoming a single parent two years ago I have developed a connection with the single parents in my family tree. I have researched the circumstances that led to them becoming single parents and how they made a living in the historical and social context in which they lived.

My journey into researching family history began with my great, great grandfather’s birth certificate. Tubal Casely was born in 1848 in Wanstead, London. He is cited as ‘illegitimate’ and the name of the father is not given. The changes in the 1834 Poor Law meant that the father had no responsibility to his illegitimate offspring and the mothers were expected to support themselves.

I became intrigued by his mother Maria’s story. For reasons lost to history, her pregnancy was unplanned. Unwed mothers in the Victorian era were an ‘affront to morality’. Maria left her home village of Ide, no doubt ostracized by her family and community, and travelled to her Sister Elizabeth’s home in Wanstead for the birth of her son to avoid scandal.

On the 1851 census her profession is cited as ‘dressmaker’. This, as I have come to understand, was one of the very few ‘respectable’ professions that an unmarried woman could take up in Victoria times. Undoubtedly there were many fine ladies and gentlemen to be dressed in Exeter in the mid-19th century, however, it was ‘piecework’ and very low paid.

Maria was lucky, by Victorian standards, in that she did eventually marry in 1856 to a tradesman thus affording her some financial security and a more ‘respectable’ social standing. Samuel, my great grandfather, became a single father by bereavement in 1925, when his young wife (31 years) Effie passed.

Sam was left to bring up two young sons, my grandfather Albert who was only just 11 years old and his younger brother Norman, seven years old. Sam worked at Dartmoor Prison as the prison chemist. I assume that living in such a small and close-knit community as Princetown, where the majority of people of working age worked at the prison, would have afforded Sam parental support from neighbours and other families.

I suspect the community would have helped with childcare while Sam was at work. Indeed, Albert married his childhood sweetheart ‘the girl next door’, my grandmother Aileen, whose father Hubert also worked at the Prison.

My grandmother Robina wasn’t so fortunate with the circumstances she was born into. She was born illegitimate in 1908. Illegitimacy was high in North East Scotland at that time and commonplace. Her mother was born illegitimate also, as were Robina’s siblings; to several different fathers.

On the 1911 census Robina was living at a boarding house, her mother was working in domestic service, therefore, being the main breadwinner, she had no choice but to put her children into care. Robina’s older brother John, 12 in 1911, is also cited as a boarder. Her older sister Elsie and John are cited on the 1901 census as living at a boarding house; John was then aged two years and Elsie five years old.

It makes heart-breaking reading and I cannot imagine having to make that choice of sending young children away to board. Elsie followed in her mother’s footsteps and had several children out of wedlock. Poor Robina, only a child herself, ended up being the main carer for many of her older sister’s children. Her ‘escape’ was joining domestic service.

I have a photo of the two sisters as adults and the expression on their faces shows that ‘no love was lost’ between them! "Thank goodness times have changed" we may cry. However, there is still work to do with supporting single parents in the workplace.

Gingerbread are running the ‘Make it Work Campaign’ which is seeking to remove the barriers that exist to single parents finding suitable employment such as: “unaffordable and unavailable childcare, needle-in-a-haystack flexible jobs and a lack of proper support and training opportunities are standing in the way of single parents getting, keeping and progressing in jobs that match their skills and meet their families’ needs.”

Gingerbread is campaigning “to get the government and employers to take a set of realistic actions that would make it work for single parents.” If these issues affect you or if you would like to support the campaign please go to the Gingerbread website: www.gingerbread.org.uk

Exeter Single Parent Family Friendship group meets once a month at the Hub on the Green, 8 Cathedral Close. It’s a chance for families to get together in a relaxed and supportive setting and have some time out for a couple of hours. We have fun and lots of chat with other parents who understand and a variety of activities. If you would like to come along to our next meet up please contact exetergingerbread@hotmail.co.uk for more information.

You can join Gingerbread for free on its website and once you are a member you can access fact sheets and information for single parents on a range of topics. There is also a free and confidential helpline run by the charity; Gingerbread Helpline: 0808 802 0925

I am currently writing a blog about my grandmothers' lives, wisdom and their recipes: http://grandmothersrecipebook.blogspot.co.uk/

Claire Casely