"Good reasons to be single... 1,2,3" says blogger Ali

Weeks back I had a bit of a rant about singledom being a perceived state of deficiency. Well, I’m back on my high horse about it again, writes our regular blogger Ali.

‘What’s caused this?’ I hear you cry… probably literally sobbing as you realise I’m off on a rant again. Well – it was a conversation with a bloke who basically said that he didn’t believe me when I said that I was happy being single. Of course, an hour of being brow beaten later, he backed off but I remain indignant at the thought and so, yet again, I’m going to use this blog as a low cost form of therapy to rehearse the argument. Sorry.

So, reasons to be single, part 1,2, 3, as the song almost goes.

Firstly I can do what I want, when I want. Yes that sounds and possibly is entirely selfish, but actually having had a year to reflect on my life (that is what you’re meant to do when unemployed, isn’t it?) I’ve realised that I have spent an awful lot of time doing things I didn’t want to do but felt I should. Don’t get me wrong, I’m by no means some saint who selflessly has done whatever others wished at great personal cost. But I have often found myself doing things and wondering why on earth I was. That feeling persists (Wembley Zip Wire, Commando Challenge anyone) but the difference is that at some stage I have thought it is a good idea and decided to do it and that wasn’t some half baked compromise to “do the right thing” brought about by my perception of what someone else might like me to do. I actually have true freedom to get up when I want, wash up when I want, eat when I want, go to gigs at the last minute if I want, etc, etc. It is great!

Second, singledom forces me to learn new things. I have a bit of a recurring theme in my life of plumbing problems – in the last six months, two toilets have broken, the water tank has cracked, the sink has blocked and I’ve had bathrooms refitted. When I was part of a couple, I would have done my share but actually could hide behind ‘being a girl’ and avoided those things I didn’t want to do! (Oops – trusting my ex won’t read this… actually I think he knows!). Now I have to get on with it myself. I’m not great at it – but with help from my fabulous friends I have fixed a loo, sorted out paint removal and found decent plumbers. This is all a bit empowering too. I have to sort it, so I do and that makes me feel more confident in myself.

The third big reason that being single is great is that I have more time for other people and as a result I am making new friends and that means my world is getting bigger. In the last year my circle of friends has changed pretty much beyond all recognition. I have found myself being a bit more choosy about who I spend time with. Now I have more time available, I want to spend it with funny, interesting people who enrich my life and make me feel good. Those people that I care about. And I am meeting more and more people through my move and social networking and they make my life exciting and fun. I could have done this when I was with someone but the fact is I didn’t. Largely because if I wasn’t with my ex then I either was with my friends or at work. I didn’t have the time and as a result missed out on lots of opportunities to broaden my horizons.

Now I’m not saying that being single is perfect. The idea of a lazy Sunday, snuggled up on the sofa watching football with a fabulously attractive man certainly has its appeal. As does going back to avoiding the dirty side of plumbing jobs. But actually, my life is pretty damn good at the moment, so if that doesn’t happen – so be it.