Long Distance Relationships

Parents, especially mothers, find it very hard to be away from their young children for long periods of time. In the same way, kids will often scream their head off when their parents leave them.

What’s the cause of this kind of separation anxiety? I think it’s basically the bond formed between two people who are in a loving relationship. One can’t help but have the other person in mind all the time. The same thing holds true for lovers. Even before my husband and I were married, I could hardly wait for him to call or meet me, and for weekends when I knew we could spend more time together. Now that we’re married, I still look forward to going home and just being with him. But would our marriage still work if he had to go away for long periods of time? I have no doubt that it would, though it would be more difficult.

Relationships grow because of the many little things that each person does for the other. The little gestures of love and kindness that are shared, such as waking up and seeing a favorite breakfast prepared or being given a massage after a particularly stressful day at work, are the things that bolster our commitment with each other. Of course, these kinds of things require that the other person be physically present. This is why I would be lying if I said that I am completely okay with the idea of him leaving for longer than a month, or even a week. But then again, I know that whenever he leaves, there is a good and crucial reason for him to do so. The only thing I can do is deal with it. In the past, when he had to go on long trips, we got through it by setting a time every day for us to speak privately.

The Internet proved to be a very important tool because it helped bridge the distance between us; I was able to not just hear my loved one, but also see him. We are able to make such things work because, for us, there is no other option. We have committed ourselves to loving each other, which makes time and distance from each other a painful but necessary sacrifice that we’re willing to make, knowing full well that it is not something permanent.

Can long distance relationships work for everyone?

I don’t think so. It would be particularly difficult for people who have just embarked upon a relationship. They need more time to get to know each other, a process which distance effectively hinders. Most of the time, a cool-off period would be a better solution, unless the two people are really sure they’re in it for the long haul. Fidelity would be almost certainly be tested.

Long distance relationships would also be a challenge for those who are often in need of affirmation of love through physical contact. This type of person would most certainly not be able to withstand long days and nights of solitude and would be likely to go and find someone else after a short period of trying to remain faithful. If his or her partner is not of the same type, then he or she will definitely be in for a heartbreak.

Surprisingly, I know of some people who still opt to continue the relationship and wait for their lover to come back despite the fact that they already know how unfaithful the other person is while far from them. I personally think that this is neither healthy nor satisfying, but who am I to judge?

At the end of the day, in long distance relationships, what really matters is the level of commitment you’re both willing to put into it. Can you sacrifice your nights out if that is the only time your loved one can be available to talk to you? Can you be devoted enough to not fool around with others? Can you forgive the person for important events that he or she will not be able to share with you? There are so many other questions that both of you will have to seriously consider. But if your answer to all of these questions is “yes,” then you’re most likely going to be able to get through it. Just make sure that both of you are on the same page and that you never fail to get in touch, even if it’s just for a short call to say “I love you.”